falling in love

i am beginning to fall in love; and for the first time ever it is not with another human. i am unraveling my journey slowly. it's in the moments so small you'd think they were nothing. a mere whisper of a movement. a slight shift in the frequency underneath the action i choose. that's all it is... for a moment. for the moment that i choose, that's all it is; but after? it is much more than just a choice. it's a commitment, a remembering, an outreached hand to my version of the future that many only allow themselves to day dream of and push off into some far away place that they will never allow themselves to even pursue touching. i'm writing poetry again. i'm reading again. i pack my summer bag and take it with me during my free time. i eat my fruits and veggies. i go to the gym and feel every ounce of struggle and feel grateful that i'm sweating because that means i'm working, i'm moving. i'm doing. my fingertips are dingey and dirty from using back oil pastel to black out the words i do not need. they do not belong in the poem i just formed from a horrendous fantasy smut book that i will never read. there is ink under my fingernails from assembling the printer i just invested in to grow my business, start it really. the kind of decision one makes when they believe in themselves, it's action before feeling. not waiting, there is no more time to wait. waiting costs me precious breaths that i could be taking in the form of myself that is fully alive and pursuing, daring to be bold and embracing the uncertainty of exposure, risk, and authenticity. i do not care about typos. i do not care about punctutation. you'd be surprised the little things artists get caught up on to not allow themselves to say and feel what they really want to. i am falling in love with myself; specifically the version of me that i am when i just let myself arrive.